How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
being pregnant is like rehab
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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