watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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