Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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