I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
