Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
