Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
