why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
