I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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