this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it penis luge time yet?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
