I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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