I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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