dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?