Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!