I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
