i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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