Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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