return my video game
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
