Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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