I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
