is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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