He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
