i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
