the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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