I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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