Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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