Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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