I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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