it hurts more in the daytime
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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