he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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