I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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