I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
