Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize