Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
