Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
