I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
