WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
