So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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