I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
