Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
