I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
