I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
