so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
