the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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