Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
