He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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