It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
