he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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