Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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