So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
