"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As shirtless as possible
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
