The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
