don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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