I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
