You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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