She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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