I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
