i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
