Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
