Dual....:-)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
