No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
